Something to Hold Onto.

And other thoughts.

It’s the end of March and I’m just now getting around to my first post of the year…oops.

The year of the fire horse started loud and with a bang. 2025 asked me one essential question: Are you going to level up or are you going to stay where you are? 2026 answered. And it said it’s time to level tf up.

My previous living situation suddenly shifted; I was a live-in nanny, and the family I work for got an offer on a new home and would no longer be able to accommodate me. Normally, I would have expected full on panic to arise. Questions like where am I going to go? What if I can’t find an apartment? Do I need to find a roommate?

But to my sincere surprise, I didn’t panic.

Instead, I felt excited. Inspired, even.

Maybe this is the first time I can actually live on my own. Completely by myself. Something I’ve been dreaming of, but never thought would be possible for me, a “starving artist” living in Los Angeles.

I hate that title, Starving Artist. As if anyone who chooses an artistic life or career is doomed for a life full of scarcity. A story I have believed must be true for myself (We’ll save this topic for another post)

But here I am. Finally settled in my very own studio apartment. And I couldn’t be more grateful.

Since the move, I’ve been thinking deeply about how to shift my outlook on my career. I’m only one month into living on my own and I’m already experiencing the anticipated growing pains. I now have higher rent to pay and need to get creative with a new stream of income. I have more free time and flexibility to be creative than I ever had before. There’s so much to do and discover and try and somehow that also makes me feel paralyzed.

And then I remember, I have a simple, beautiful practice that never fails to bring me back to myself.

I’ve been thinking a lot about why I make meditations.

Not in a strategic way, not in a “how do I grow this” kind of way. More like “why do I keep coming back to it?”

And I think the answer is simple.

I make the meditations that I need in the moment.

Not the ones I think people want to hear. Not the ones that sound the most impressive or spiritual or perfectly structured. Just the ones that feel like if I don’t sit down and record this, I might spin out a little.

Sometimes it’s because my thoughts are loud.
Sometimes it’s because I feel disconnected from myself.
Sometimes it’s because I need someone to tell me to slow down and there isn’t anyone there to do it.

So I do it for myself.

And then, I share it.

I was first introduced to meditation in college when I studied Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction. I don’t think I realized at the time how much it would stay with me.

It wasn’t this immediate, life-changing moment where everything clicked and I became some deeply calm, regulated person. It was actually much quieter than that. More like a small door opening.

Like, oh. This is another way to be with myself.

Over time, it became something I returned to again and again. Not perfectly. Not always consistently. But enough that it started to feel familiar. Like something I could reach for when everything else felt a little too loud.

Meditation didn’t fix me.
It didn’t make my thoughts disappear.
It didn’t suddenly make me happy.

But it gave me something to hold onto.

An anchor, of sorts.

I’ve realized recently that I don’t want meditation to feel like this distant, polished thing that only “certain people” are good at.

Because that’s never been my experience with it.

My experience is messy.
It’s distracted.
It’s emotional.
It’s me sitting there trying to breathe while my brain is doing everything but that.

And still, it helps.

Even if it’s just a slight shift. Even if it’s just one breath that feels a little deeper than the last.

I started a YouTube channel called Mind Mend With Julia.

It feels a little vulnerable to say that out loud.

But it’s not meant to be some perfectly curated meditation space. It’s just an extension of what I already do for myself.

A place where I can put these meditations somewhere outside of my own head.
A place where maybe someone else, somewhere, might need the exact same thing I needed when I recorded it.

Because I have a feeling I’m not the only one who needs to be reminded to slow down. Or to breathe. Or to just sit for a moment without trying to fix everything.

I also have them on Insight timer, yet I felt called to make them even more accessible. To share them in a way that anyone and everyone could come to at any time.

I don’t really know what this will become.

I don’t know how often I’ll post, or what the “plan” is, or if it will grow into something bigger.

But I do know this:

Meditation has been one of the few things in my life that consistently brings me back to myself.

And if I can share that in a way that feels honest, and not forced, and not overly polished,

that feels like enough.

If you want to sit with me, you can find me here:
(https://www.youtube.com/@MindMendwithJulia/videos)